


Back to Life

by stellacadente



Series: Dreams of Empire [7]
Category: Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic
Genre: Consensual Sex, F/M, Fluffy fluffy sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-19
Updated: 2016-07-19
Packaged: 2018-07-25 11:22:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7530814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stellacadente/pseuds/stellacadente
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Xhareen's world has changed drastically after being named The Emperor's Wrath and set on a path to take down her former master, Darth Baras. Her world is about to change again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. What Was Stolen is Taken Back

Quinn stepped through the airlock, then turned to watch the hatch close behind him. The gears all performed as they were designed. The ship, with just the proper amount of hiss, returned to spaceworthy condition. If all was right with the vessel, all was right with him. No, not everything. There was one more thing he had to make right.

 Toovee was waiting, hovering at the top of the stairs.

He looked around. No one else was there. But the droid would at least have a cursory knowledge of the state of the ship and crew. “Status report, Toovee.”

“Yes, Master. Everything is as it should be. My lord asked if you would speak with her when you returned. She’s in the conference room.”

“Very good, Toovee. Continue with your duties.” Quinn had learned that, unlike most ship droids, Toovee had developed a personality that seemed to crave approbation, apparently to stave off a constant fear of his imminent demise. Xhareen insisted that everyone treat the droid respectfully; she seemed to dote on him like a pet. It was completely against regulations, or at least would be on a military ship. But thinking about Xhareen and Toovee discussing herbal tea recipes made him smile.

He was home now.

Quinn was outside the conference room when he determined to wipe any thoughts about ship matters out of his head. The door whooshed open, and he saw Xhareen sitting at the table, putting her personal holo away.

“How’d it go, Captain?” she asked in her lyrical, deep voice, no less alluring for the slight growl of near exhaustion he’d come to know when she pushed herself for extended periods. She’d been without sleep this whole ordeal as well, and it showed on her face. Even though she had no eyes, Quinn could see her cheeks alternately tensing and slacking, and she struggled to keep her shoulders set as she stood up.

“Everything went as planned. Our pirate friends took the body and will take responsibility for the death.”

She sighed, her shoulders bearing the weight of her relief. “For once, I didn’t have to be the one to threaten someone to silence. Apparently, even a whisper of what would happen should they cross Andronikus Revel was sufficient. That, and the credits I tossed at them.” She laughed.

Quinn, though, was embarrassed that she had spent her own funds to clean up his mess.

“I know what you’re thinking, Quinn. This isn’t your doing. This is decades of military incompetence finally being cleaned up. For that alone, it was worth every last credit. You have to accept that I did it for the Empire, even if I also did it for you.”

A flush of relief came over him just then, and it showed on his cheeks. He braced himself for a teasing, but she surprised him and said nothing more about it.

“But you’re OK with what happened, right Quinn?” More than he ever admitted to himself, he was always comforted by the emotion in her voice, as he was in this moment, right now.

“Yes, Xhareen.” They were alone, he reminded himself. It was OK to call her by her name. Her orders, in fact. “I have killed before, obviously. Just always in the heat of battle, or a sanctioned operation.”

“This was an operation as well, Sith approved. Never forget that. Don’t you think you would have had to do something just like this if you had gone into military intelligence?”

He had expected to spend his days before a view screen, analyzing strategies and deployments and dozens of reports simultaneously. Assassinating a powerful moff wasn’t really on his career planning map.

“But then you found you had a taste for adventure, for harrowing excitement. You have a gift for infiltration, Quinn. Someone would have noticed that sooner or later, and you would have been sent into a situation where you would have had to look someone in the eye and then pull the trigger.”

He thought of the many times now he’d been with Xhareen when she’d done the same, except with a light saber, not a blaster. “How do you cope, Xhareen? Do you ever have doubts? Crippling regrets?”

“I started a war, Quinn. But I’ve also done far, far worse. I cope by telling myself I have always done what I had to do. And when that is not enough, I fight to make the Sith better.  I do what I have to for the sake of the Empire.”

He started to ponder what she could have done that was worse than starting a war when, as always, she seemingly read his mind. She moved closer to him.

“At this point, Malavai, keeping secrets from one another seems silly.” Still, she lowered her voice. “So here it is: I killed a girl for a scrap of bread. In the slave pits. It was the first time I had ever killed a person. I was starving. The Hutt overseers tossed 20 already-starving people into a pit with enough food to feed five of them, then waited a week and anyone left standing became eligible for a spot in the fighting pits. Even the children. Because those who didn’t make it became much worse.

“What I did under Baras’s orders was nothing compared to that one week of my life. I regret killing Cmdr. Rylon and his son, but he and his squad were a definite threat to the Empire. Rylon took his death well, and his son’s life would have been miserable if he had lived. Everyone else, though? Enemy generals and washed up operatives? Any guilt over them is at least manageable.

“But a child? I was barely more than that myself. It was more than a decade ago, and I still see her face sometimes. And I always run through the same questions. What if she had been gifted with the Force and it was her, not me, who grew up to be the Sith warrior? Why did I live? Why, to this day, do I fret over some starving stranger who wouldn’t have survived another day?”

He stepped over to her, and laid his hand on her arm. She was shaking, a state he wasn’t used to at all. “You did it to survive.” Quinn could barely speak, but he managed to get those words out of his mouth.

She’d suffered so much. He was ashamed sometimes that he got so caught up in his own personal dilemmas when he remembered the bits of her life story she had shared with him. He understood now how it was she always had a reserve of anger and rage to call on when she fought.

He ached to hear more. To take her in his arms and kiss her without worrying whether they’d be caught, to not stop kissing her until they were undressed and lying on his bed. To show her precisely what was in his heart that he held onto dearly for her.

Xhareen place her hand over his. He shuddered before he could even think to stop himself from doing so.

“And so did you. Broysc stole your life from you, Quinn. He trapped you on Balmorra where you were worse than dead by the time I met you. He was a threat to the entire Empire. He was a threat to you, to me and to my ship and for all of those reasons, he had to go. It was your duty, and you never shy away from duty. For that, I am grateful.” She took his hand, then brought it to her lips, kissed it far too briefly, then let it go.

“What we both need right now, Quinn, is eight hours of rest. I’m taking mine, now that I know you are safe. I suggest you take yours as well, while there’s still nothing else going on.” Quinn wasn’t sure if that was an invitation to take his rest alongside her or not; he chose to accept the latter.

“I find that I have an excess of adrenalin still in my system. I was going to go check comm traffic for a bit to wind down.”

She laughed. “Only you, Quinn. Only you. Still, I am making it an order that you get an adequate amount of sleep as soon as possible.”

“I shall. And Xhareen,” he said as she was heading out of the door, “Thank you. For everything.” There was so much more he wanted to say, but his mind was buzzing now and she was pulling away from him.

She bowed. “You’re welcome, my hero.” She bowed again, then backed out the door.

It was several minutes before he could move. But he made it to the bridge, and started sweeping comm channels. He set his chrono for one hour. After that, he’d rest for four hours and then see just how much his world had truly changed.

 


	2. What Was Desired is Obtained

Xhareen woke up to a darkened cabin. Like the rest of the crew, she'd gone without sleep for more than a standard day to finish the job dealing with Moff Broysc. Only once she was certain the Citadel had bought the claim that the Red Scorpion pirates were taking credit for his death could she rest. That, and ensuring Quinn was OK that he had been the one to pull the trigger and deliver the body to their courier.

He’d come back just as she finished her dealings. She was so relieved to see him, maybe too much so. She’d shared with him a secret she had never told anyone, not even the Sith overseers who trained her off the books before arranging her transfer to Korriban. Certainly, Quinn must have figured out she had to kill to survive in the slave pits, something she revealed to him only weeks before, after Baras had tried to kill them both on Quesh.

He heard the awful story and hadn’t recoiled in horror; in fact, he seemed to draw closer to her in those few moments than he’d ever been. He would probably pull away again, go back to that safe distance between them that he was so keen on preserving.  But they’d shared a moment and she supposed that was enough.

She checked her chrono. It had been nearly eight hours since she had laid down. She couldn't remember the last time she'd slept so long. It was evening and she now realized she was ravenously hungry.

Feeling ready to confront whatever now lay ahead of them all, Xhareen showered and dressed and headed for the mess. No one was out and about. She grabbed a self-cooking ration pack, let it heat up and nearly inhaled it. It was like after her elevation to Lord, when Baras gave them leave to celebrate, and everyone disappeared on her. It was one of the loneliest nights of her life. Must triumph always mean being left alone?

_No_ , she told herself. _This is not my victory. It is Quinn's_. Even if he can never claim it publicly, they both knew it was an important evolution for him.

Quinn had wrestled for months over the question of what exactly a superior officer was owed in loyalty if that officer was clearly in the wrong. He'd had a practice run when he learned Baras had wanted the inconvenient captain killed in the cave in on Quesh along with the cast off apprentice. Quinn was not one to waste his allegiance and his skills on being merely a pawn.

Xhareen had never been prouder than when Quinn declared he would stay at her side, even after she'd said he could go back to serving Baras, or back into the Fleet if he wanted and she would understand.

"That would be bad for the Empire, Xhareen. Nor is that how loyalty works,” he had assured her.

"Thank you, Quinn," she had told him. "I don't doubt your loyalty to me, I just want to make sure all the parts you've been wrestling with these past few months fit together for you."

He grasped her hand. "I was genuinely concerned for your life after the cave in, my lord. I may have gotten a bit too comfortable with you. I still must maintain my professional distance, but know that I will do so by your side. For everything you have taught me, and allowed me to accomplish, you have my thanks."

She had survived on replaying those words in her head for the past several weeks, figuring that was the closest she'd ever get to a declaration of love from him.

She made her way to the bridge, hoping he was there. She was not disappointed.

"Captain, report," she ordered as she walked into the room. Quinn looked up at her with a broad, warm smile. She smiled back. He walked from the comm station to the entry way where she stood.

"My lord, I'm fielding reports from across Imperial forces. Among the men, there's a universal relief that Moff Broysc is no more." His voice was quiet and calm.

"It was the right thing to do, Quinn. The rest of the Empire was passive. It sickens me."

"I was guilty of that for a long time."

"Any other guilty feelings, Quinn?"

"I do not feel conflicted in the least. Not about anything. Including you." He moved to within a few inches of her and began to whisper. "I've held back long enough. I've been too rigid, too inflexible. I won't suppress my feelings and desires any longer."

_This is not happening_ , she thought. After so long, she was resigned to the odd emotional-but-not-physical, close-but-not-too-close relationship they had developed. A few kisses, a few lingering hands over wounds being treated. The passion was there, but Quinn's emotional walls had remained intact. Xhareen certainly had no plans to tear them down, afraid Quinn would try again to leave her service. She'd told Jaesa and Vette in a moment of complete openness that she was OK -- not happy, but certainly OK -- with a platonic-plus relationship with Quinn if that was the only way they could be together. Jaesa bought it, though Vette just laughed.

"Quinn, what does that mean? Please, don't toy with me." She felt completely at his mercy, and she wasn't happy about that. Nor was she entirely happy with the pleading in her voice.

"My lord, you should know by now I don't play games. Come with me to my quarters. I'll show you how I feel."

_This is not happening. But I’m not going to fight it, either._ "If you truly mean it, then lead the way."

Quinn tapped the intercom. "Toovee, you have the bridge."

He leaned in and whispered in her ear, "Let's go see if we can make all the parts fit together now."

 

~~~~~~

Quinn made his way to his quarters, walking as fast as he could without running or making too much of a noise. Xhareen followed behind him, her soft-soled boots mercifully not making any sound as she fell in step with him. It was only a matter of meters from the bridge to Quinn's cabin, but still, it felt like it took an hour to get there while walking a gantlet of jeering onlookers.

But they passed no one on the way. Everyone must either be off ship, or still hung over, since Xhareen had granted a general leave to coincide with their arrival back at Nar Shaddaa. Thanks to Vette, the official records showed the _Covenant_ had been orbiting Quesh, their most recent base of operations, during the time of Broysc’s abduction and death.

When the cabin doors swooshed closed, Quinn grabbed Xhareen and swept her close to him, kissing her deeply.

This was far more passionate than any of their previous kisses. This was fire and rage and desire, burning as brightly in Quinn as it did in Xhareen, and she was nearly drunk from the sensations. Quinn was not Force sensitive, and yet, she could feel him wanting her. Maybe that transpired between normal people who'd waited this long. Maybe it was because they'd waited so long. Maybe they'd forged a bond, somehow. Maybe they were just two bodies in great need and that’s how biology worked.

Xhareen got so lost in thought she didn't realize Quinn had already removed his boots and his belt and was starting on the buttons on his jacket. She stopped him.

"Wait, Malavai, I have one request."

He bent in and kissed her again. "Whatever you desire, my general."

She laughed. "I am not normally one for role-play, but I cannot tell you how many times I have fantasized about what I'd like you to do right now, Malavai."

"You mean, Captain Quinn?" She had no idea the man could smirk like that, be both so audacious and boyish at the same time.

"Captain, I want you to sit down on the seat over there." She pointed to the short, padded bench along the wall. Quinn had set up a small table to use as a desk in front of it. It was, of course, impeccably clean and everything was arranged neatly. Though she wanted nothing more than to throw it all on the floor and have Quinn take her on the table, that would have to wait for another time.

Quinn went over to the bench and sat down as ordered. Xhareen walked over and lifted the table away from the bench, keeping the items on it mostly in place. Then, she stood in front of Quinn and started to remove her clothing. When she got down to her undergarments, she moved in and sat on his lap, straddling his legs and facing him. Quinn reached up and unhooked her bra, and when her breasts were free, grabbed each with a hand.

Xhareen nearly climaxed from that move alone, and began grinding, then leaned in to kiss him. He kept up with his fondling of her breasts. When he stopped for a breath, she pulled away, lifted herself up a bit and removed her panties. Then, she reached under his jacket and undid the fastener on his trousers.

"Oh, I get where this is going," Quinn said.

"Let's test how limber you are, soldier." She started to pull down his trousers. He still had his hands on her breasts, and made no effort to remove them. She yanked on the trousers and Quinn thrust his hips up just enough for her to get them around his backside and bump his erection into her. She laughed, and he lifted his head up enough to give her a quick peck.

"Now for the real test."

"Permission to remove my hands from your lovely breasts in order to remove the remaining obstacles to our mutual pleasure, my lord."

She leaned in and gently bit his lip. "Granted."

He lifted himself up enough to remove his undergarments and slide them and his trousers to the floor, then kicked them off. "I take it the jacket stays on then?"

"Absolutely."

"It might be uncomfortable."

"Don't care, just get inside me, Quinn."

He did as he was told, sliding himself inside her and then grasping her and assisting her as she began moving up and down. She leaned her naked chest in against his jacket, and he lifted one hand to put around her back.

"Oh, Xhareen. I have dreamed about this."

"Were you asleep, or were these the waking kind of dreams."

"Both. Mostly the waking kind."

“Same here. This is so much better, though.”

“Indeed.” And with that, he began thrusting even harder, both hands back on her cheeks, grasping and pushing until she couldn't hold on any longer. She grabbed Quinn around his neck and buried her face in his shoulder and let out something louder than a moan though less than a scream. He kept pumping, but put his arm up around her back again. This time, she pushed up against his hand and started to lean back. He let her go far enough back so that he could bend in and reach her breast with his mouth.

He gave her nipple a slight bite, and she moaned again. That was more than he could take and within seconds, he had reached his release point, too, letting out a deep grunt followed by a long sigh. Xhareen seemed to be moaning loudly again, too. He pulled her back into his jacketed chest, and held her with both arms tightly to his body.

She had collapsed against him, her head on his shoulder. She wanted to say something but her mouth refused to work. She wanted to feel his naked chest against hers but having his arms around her like this, it was something she simply wasn’t ready to have end.

“I’d say the drill was a success, my lord. I’m not opposed to further training, however.”

“You’re awfully spry for an old man. But let’s do head for the bed.”

Once they got comfortable, Xhareen apologized for the old man remark. “Don’t fret, Xhareen. It’s as though I spent 10 years in stasis on Balmorra before you showed up. So I’m not all that much older than you.”

“Yeah, you really are kind of a dork about women, aren’t you? I thought I'd die of old age before this ever happened."

“Hey, that’s not fair. I never met a woman like you. Nothing prepared me for this kind of emotional upheaval.”

She smiled. “What do I need to do to prepare you for Round 2?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter also appears as a flashback in Chapter 16 of The Spaces In Between, my main SW-Quinn story.


	3. I Will Always Be Your Captain

After they had made love a second time, Xhareen prompted Quinn to lie on his back. She moved in under his arm and began to trace her fingers through the perfectly dense and well-groomed swath of black hair on his chest. She moved through until she got to the code tattooed into his chest above his heart, nine letters and numbers inked in a dye not visible with human eyes. But she could see it with her Force sight clearly.

"That's your military ID number, isn't it?"

Quinn seemed unphased that she could see it. Of course, he probably knew the precise electromagnetic range she could visualize with her visor and her Force sight and both combined. "Yes, it's there in case you're injured on the field and unconscious, so you can be easily identified by a handheld device without a full genetic scan."

She stopped her hand and covered the markings with it. This had been an amazing night, Quinn finally giving into the passion they'd both felt for so long. She didn't want to think about this code ever needing to be read.

"What if you're hit in this exact spot ..." She suddenly couldn't tell him how much she hoped that never happened, so she laid her head on his chest instead. He put his arm up around her. After a quiet moment, he continued the thought.

"There are concerns among the men about torso burns, though. You could survive that but your code wouldn't be readable, so they get more visible marks on their backsides as well."

Xhareen laughed. "I know you don't have one of those. Why not, Quinn?"

She looked up at his face. Even in the dim light, she could tell he was blushing, remembering how she tricked him in the hot tub at the Imperial lodgment on Hoth.

~~~~~~

They'd had a long run -- three days out in the frozen waste -- and had earned a welcome day off. They'd moved from the main staging facility to the barracks. Xhareen had learned there were hot tubs, including a private one for base VIPs and had already gone in.

She refused to get out when Quinn came into the room, then dared him to get in when he turned to leave. "All right," he'd groused. "Just turn around."

As rigorous as Quinn could be about her biomechanics, if he got flustered, he'd make mistakes. So he seemed to forget that her Force sight worked in 360 degrees. He'd already programmed that into his fight simulators for her, after realizing it during her missions on Balmorra.

Xhareen made a point of turning around so Quinn could disrobe and slip into the water naked, as the facility required. She'd gotten a full on view, both front and back. When he was in, and settled, she turned back around. He'd closed his eyes. She really hated to disturb him when he finally settled down enough to relax. Normally that is, but there was apparently something in the churning warm water making it impossible to avoid teasing him.

"Quinn?"

"Mmm?"

"You do remember that Force sight works 360 degrees, right?"

He sat up and proceeded to blush then, too, so much so that Xhareen did worry for a moment his face would start smoking. She laughed so hard she had flashed her breasts. More blushing ensued; and unless he wanted to be seen in the altogether again, he was trapped in the water with her.

~~~~~~

They both laughed at the shared recollection. Quinn kissed her on top of her head.

"That's one of my favorite memories of you, Quinn." She poked him in the side. "You're glorious naked and you know it."

"I'd rather you noticed my deeds and not just my genetic assets,  _my lord,”_  he retorted.

Xhareen lifted her head and looked at him straight on. No matter how her vision worked, she had been trained since childhood to look others in their eyes to address them. Besides, it was also the best way to enjoy the lovely symmetry of Quinn's face.

"It's always good that you say things like that. Because no matter how much I wanted this night to happen, no matter how marvelous your deeds this night have been, I also need you for your deeds outside your quarters. I do truly hope we've figured out how to combine business and pleasure."

He pulled her back close and wrapped both arms around her. She could hear his heart beating, and she ran her hand through his chest hair again.

"Never fear, my lord. I will always be your captain," he said as they both slipped into sleep.

~~~~~~

The soft blue light from the desktop computer screen on Quinn’s desk made harsh shadows on his face. Her Force sight seemed intent on capturing the dramatic hills and valleys spread across his nose and cheekbones. Still, Xhareen had never seen such a soft expression draped across that face. He seemed so satisfied, so pleased, so accomplished and she was not surprised she was thinking he might now be dreaming of these past hours of passion as a task well completed.

It would be wrong to force him to change too much after this complete transformation he’d undergone in the past few days. Mere days since he’d conquered the nemesis that had derailed his career and his dreams and his aspirations and his well-laid plans he’d started constructing while still a boy. So if making her sigh and squirm and call out his name was an accomplishment to him, so be it. Xhareen was quite proud of herself, that her months of encouraging him to accept his passions had paid off so well for her, too.

But it would be morning soon and the crew would be waking up and soon it would be obvious where she’d spent the night if she didn’t leave now. She knew the minute she walked through those doors, she might never come back, at least not as his lover. Her greatest dream, her worst fear.

She stood up to gather her clothes as silently as possible, or so she thought. Because the minute she broke contact with the bed, Quinn turned and whispered softly, “Stay a bit longer? I want you in my arms again.”

There was no resisting such a reasonable request. Xhareen slipped back under the sheets and sidled up next to him. He wrapped both arms around her and turned her to face him. “Quinn, I thought I should be go- …”

“It’s fine. I have seven minutes before I have to rise and get into the refresher.”

“And how long before the crew wakes up?”

She could almost see the gears working. “Despite his other flaws, Pierce is always up an hour before duty time, so he’ll be up in about 30 minutes. Jaesa is usually next, up about 20 minutes before it’s time, unless she has plans with you. Vette, well, Vette gets up when Vette is ready unless she knows she’s needed, and then she’s always the first actually on the scene.”

“I would be happy to bet everything I own Vette knows already, Quinn.” She leaned over and bit him gently on the ear. He returned the gesture with a long soul kiss, then continued, while stroking the flesh where her eyes would be.

“Probably. Continuing on, I admit I’m not brave enough to wake up Broonmark if indeed he sleeps, and since he’s always ready when called on, I’m not going to question it. That leaves us with just over six minutes of time to ourselves.”

“You’re OK with Vette knowing? Because that means everyone will know shortly.”

“I don’t much care about that, Xhareen. I told you, I don’t play games. You’re here because that’s what I want, what we both want. Will us being together change how you run things?”

She didn’t even have to think about that one. “Not in the least, my captain. I’m happy to wait until we’re alone for physical displays of affection. Everything else stays as is.”

“Then there we are.”

“You’re sure?” She hated to make him feel doubted, but this past night had been such a shocking turn of events, it seemed less real than a dream.

“I get it, I really do. It’s easier for you to change than it is for me, but I have crossed a threshold and I am not going back.”

Xhareen started to reply, but just giggled.

He reached up and gently pinched her cheek. “OK, there’s a snark on the edge of your tongue. What were you going to say?”

“I won’t say it, only that it involved glaciers on Hoth.”

“I suppose I’ve earned that. But I am serious. I’ll be off duty in 12 hours. Can we share our evening meal?”

She ran her fingers across his chest, and watched him shiver. “And a lot more, I hope.”

He took her hand in his. “As do I. You owe me seven minutes of kisses.”

**Author's Note:**

> This was planned (and all my f!SW playthroughs took place) prior to SWTOR 4.0 and the changes it made to the companion affection stories.


End file.
